


Let Me Go

by Yuri_MoonFire12



Series: Here and Now [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Assisted Suicide, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:31:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuri_MoonFire12/pseuds/Yuri_MoonFire12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Then let’s die together, Right now. That way neither will die without the other.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a bit of sad story, but I can't say that it wasn't worth writing. Its was something that had been in my head for a really long time. Now if you don't like suicide or anything like that I suggest you leave this story alone, however I will say that the suicide doesn't come with any kind of selfish reasoning. This is basically a sad true love story.

  
It was raining. Not little droplets, but large fat droplets that are freezing cold. They splashed around me and they pelted the top of my head like a large shower of Shuriken. I registered that it was storming too. Lighting flashed in the distance and thunder rumbled, echoing in the sky. I was cold, I couldn’t feel anything, but most of all I was dead. Not in the sense of physical death, but in the sense that…without him…I was dead.

Sitting there, on top of Hokage Mountain, letting the rain pelt some of my pain away, I thought back to then, when I let him go, only then I didn’t know that it would hurt this much. Then I had not known that I was setting myself up for something I would never overcome. Something that would plague me and tear apart my body, mind and soul.  
It was cold that night too. Only the rain was not what was chilling my bones. It had been snowing, the silence had been deafening. And my mind like now was on him…

_I was soaring as fast as I could through the trees. I had been out with my Anbu team when I had caught his chakra signature. We were on our way back to the village. So I had followed him, I abandoned my team to find him, my mask fallen somewhere and forgotten. I followed him just like I had been doing for the past four years. I had been training tirelessly and without pause to be able to get to where I was. To get to the point where I could get out of the village more and do everything I could to search for him._

_Every lead I got…it came up dry_

_Every time I caught sight of him, I lost him._

_It was like he was a ghost._

_I felt silly really, I was chasing after someone that did not want to be found. I was chasing after someone who did not want my help. So why was I chasing him? I knew why. I loved him and it felt like I was being torn in half when I was without him. He was my other half, my significant other, the love of my life and my soul mate. I needed him, and I would chase him to the ends of the earth. It was an example of how badly I loved him. It was an example of how badly I needed him in my life, how badly I knew I could not go on without him._

_But that time I was sure. I had sensed him and I had seen him. He was close by and I needed to get to him. I needed to bring him back to the village. I needed him. Finally, he seemed to stop, and ironically, we had ended up right back where it happened the first time. Where he left me._

_I’m sure that Sasuke had not known how bad he had hurt me when he had left. He didn’t know how it plagued my body like an incurable sickness. I’m sure he did not know that the Naruto he knew… really was nothing without him. I was a strong person but I could only take so much. And when he left me, at the age I was and with all the love I had stored up inside of me for him, it had shattered my soul. I was only a vague impression of what I had really been and truly was. This Naruto, my hand went to my heart, was not the same without him. I needed him; he kept me sane and happy. But most of all it kept the dangerous thoughts at bay. It kept the villagers sneers away. It made me happy to be with him. All I needed was him._  
 _I stopped just before I was atop of the first’s head. I looked down, the waterfall ragged as the rain continued. It looked like at any moment the banks of the river below would stretch over its banks. Lightning flashed, and the thunder roared. But that had not caught my attention. Because standing there, just a foot or two away from me, was Sasuke. His back was to me, and his Katana was steady in his hand. I was afraid that if he turned around, I would see the Sasuke that I saw the first time we had been here._

  
_One eye golden, while the other was onyx, wild black marks shifting on his skin like snakes. I had been terrified by that Sasuke._

_I also wished that he wasn’t the other form of Sasuke either. His skin grey like ash, and his eyes red like blood. Wings like large clawed hands sprouting out of his back. That creature had not been my Sasuke, which was nothing but a monster. But then that raised a brand new round of questions. What would Sasuke be like now? Would he still remember me? Did he still…love me?_

_“Sasuke?” I Was frightened by my voice. It was a croak and it was broken. Like my voice had not been used in ages. Which I knew why it had not been. Lately I had been going through a terrible depression; my voice had been the thing to suffer._

_“You never give up do you?” He turned then and I was suddenly happy that the only difference was his obvious age. His eyes connected with mine and they stayed there._

_Relief flooded my system. “Not when it comes to you.” I took a step forward relieved that he was actually talking to me. But quickly I remembered his katana and his non hesitant way of striking, and I stopped my advance._

_“You’ve gone up in the ranks, but…you’ve let yourself…you’re not the same.” His eyes flickered over my form. “Your half the person you were years ago. What have you done to yourself?”_

_His lips pressed into a thin line and I could not help but be a little ashamed. I knew what he was talking about. In my haste to find him, to be reunited with him I had not been paying attention to myself very well. My wrists were scarred and my skin was pale, and not from the cold snowy day. I was dangerously thin; in fact Tsunade had been going crazy trying to get me to eat. She even recruited Kakashi, Sakura and Iruka in an effort to get my appetite up. None of it had worked. I was still close to the danger zone and getting closer. I was so under nourished that my health was going down the drain. The only thing really keeping me together was Kyuubi. But it was only a matter of time before that went down the drain too._

_“I…I just, I just kept thinking about you.” My eyes hit the ground. I was ashamed even more now. My love had me losing what little sanity I had left._

_“Even your eyes have lost their shine. What am I going to do with you Naruto?” His voice was closer now and I looked up into onyx eyes. I did not realize that he had gotten so fast. His hand went to my chin making sure my face stayed facing his._  
 _I shivered. It was colder I had realized. And the feeling of his body close to mine was wonderful. He was warm and I knew that if I stepped just a little closer…I could share that warmth. “I don’t know. I just…you know me…I can lose it sometimes.”_  
 _Sasuke nodded and stepped away. “You need to go back to the village. You need rest, and you need to recuperate.”_  
 _I shook my head. My arms came up trying to reach for him. “Not without you.”_

_Sasuke shook his head. His eyes suddenly became angry. “You don’t **get it** do you? I’m never going back. **I can’t**. The sooner you get **that** through your head the faster you can move on.”His voice was a violent hiss._

_I didn’t want to move on. I wanted him. He didn’t get it. He was the only thing I had to look forward to when we were younger. And even now. He was the only thing that kept me going. The whole rivalry thing only masked my feelings. He was more than a rival, like he had put it, we were best friends, but I had wanted more. He knew that too. He knew that I wanted us to be so much more. And over just a little bit of time we did become more, but then he crossed the same waterfall we were standing over just now, and I knew that it was over. He had crushed my heart and nearly my will to go on. I tried, I kept up my chipper persona and I kept up what I could, but in reality, I was so trashed inside it was sickening. So my inward appearance had started to affect my outward appearance. And now…he needed to know it._  
  
 _He needed to know that he had been the only constant in my life and when he left, he took the only thing that I felt stable over. He took my hope for ever going forward with my dreams and hopes._

_“Sasuke…I can’t without you. You know this. What has happened to me, it’s because I need you. You don’t understand-…”_

_“I don’t want to. I want you to go back to the village and live out your dream. I want you to be a good little dobe and just **let me go**.” His eyes were cold then, but as he said the last part they warmed only a little._

_“Let you go…” I couldn’t believe he had said that. After everything I had been through, after everything he had done to me…after putting a hole through my chest… he wanted me to let him go… “I can’t. I can’t Sasuke.”_

_“Yes you can Naruto. I know you made a promise, but now is the time to let this one drop.” He turned back to the water fall again as I sank to my knees._

_I held my stomach as I felt it churn. My chest heart ached and I clutched at it. My heart throbbed in the most hideous pain I had ever felt. It was torturous. “Would that make you happy, if I let you go?” One hand landed in the frozen snow as I tried to support myself. If he said-…_

_“Yes.”_

_Tears melted the snow as I held back the torture that had just started to eat away at my heart. He had said yes, and I would do anything to make him happy. I could feel my heart caving in more. “Then go…” Tears choked my voice. I was broken now. He wanted to go and I would let him. If it made him happy…I would do anything to see him happy. “Go, I won’t be a bother to you anymore.”_

_He turned then. It was sharp and it sent snow flying. He kneeled in front of me and held my face in his warm hands. “Thank you. I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead then. His thin lips were warm and I took the moment to breathe in his scent. I felt more tears fall down my cheeks. “I can’t go back, not until I finished what I have to do. Just go back to the village and get better Naruto. I don’t ever want to see you like this again.”_

_“I know. I love you so much… But even after everything is said and done…you won’t come back to me. I know you won’t. So go, please, my team is probably searching for me.” I didn’t tell him that this hurt more than his betrayal. I wouldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to burden him. To know that he would never come back, to know that I would never see him again…that hurt more than anything I could ever imagine. My heart was aching even harder now. It was bleeding and there would be no cure to it. I felt him press one more kiss to my forehead this time…_

_He was gone then. I heard a terrible sound pierce the air, like a wounded animal that was crying out in its last minute of pain and torment. It was blood curdling and horrible. It was heart breaking._

_But it took me only a second to realize where the sound was coming from, it was coming from me._

_I held myself together as best as I could. It hurt like hell. It felt like I was in hell._

_Without Sasuke it was hell._

_And he had not even said the three little words that had meant so much to me._

_I started coughing only a second later. My hand flew to my mouth and I tried hard to control my hacking lungs. After my fit subsided, I realized, my hand was filled with blood. I clenched my fist tight then, I wanted to pretend my already poor health was not deteriorating faster, but it was._

_“Naruto?”_

_That was Kakashi’s voice. My team must have told him that I went missing._

_“Come Naruto; let’s get you back to the village.”His arms wound around me, picking me up. I did not fight him, I did not try to escape his embrace, and there was nothing left to fight for. “Shush Naruto, shush.”_

_I was crying now, sobbing. I clung to Kakashi then, it was all I could do. He rokced me in his arms as we made our way back to the village, he whispered words of comfort. But what struck me more was that he kept saying that it would be alright. But he didn’t understand. Without Sasuke, without him, I was not alright. I would never be..._

It was back at the hospital that Tsunade diagnosed what was happening to me. It wasn’t a complicated disease, it wasn’t some rare virus. It was something simple, but just as horrible. It was a broken heart. I was dying of a broken heart and the only way to cure it was to bring him back. But that was not going to happen any time soon.

But as I laid in that hospital bed, as I felt the sheets scratch against my legs, I came to a conclusion, his wish for me was to fulfill my dream, but it wasn’t my dream anymore, my new dream was just to survive. My dream was to commit to the things he had said to me. I would recuperate. I would become just as strong as I was before if not even stronger. I would let him wander the world just like he asked me too. But the next time we crossed paths I would not beg him to come back with me. I would do my duty as a leaf shinobi and destroy the missing Nin known as Uchiha Sasuke.

I looked down from the top of the fourth’s head. My eyes long since lost their happy shine. My Kodachi was at my side and I felt its cold demeanor beneath my leather gloves. It had been four years since my last encounter with him, and yet I was still able to function. But function came with a price, and as a result. Uzumaki Naruto was no longer the happy, optimistic child that inspired others. I was now an assassin, without a soul, or an ounce of feeling for anyone.

I ran a hand down my side. I was back to the same bill of health I had had before I had my interesting bought of sanity. My Anbu uniform hugged my form tightly as the rain soaked me to the bone. My tan  
was back at full blast. Tsunade had been relieved that my health was back. She had refused to put me on any missions until I proved that I was well enough. She had said that she was not going to make the same mistake twice. She had been stupid to send me out with my poor health and she was not willing to risk it again.

I sighed and looked to the sky. It brought me back to the reason I was there.

He had asked me to come here tonight. I found the note on my pillow at my apartment next to a white rose. He had asked me to come to this very spot because there was something he needed to say to me, something that needed to be done. He said he was coming in peace, but my past experiences with him said otherwise.

I knew that I should feel something for him coming back. I knew that I should feel something for him coming back to me. I should have been shifting impatiently waiting for him. I should have been looking around trying to locate him, trying to find him before he found me. But I didn’t feel any of it. All I could feel was the rain, all I could feel was the cold, frozen tears of the rain.

Then I felt him approach. He was silent as always. Nothing about his demeanor seemed hostile so I allowed myself to relax only a little bit.

“Do you still love me Naruto?”

I didn’t answer that question. Instead I turned on my heel and jumped several times against the rock wall to the top of the sheer cliff and I kept walking. I knew that if I answered that question, if I stayed there, he would break down all the years of hard work to get myself back to where I was before I let it all go for him.

But he followed me. I could feel him. He wanted an answer and it was clear that he was not leaving till he got his answer. So I stopped and turned on him. My eyes narrowed and my voice was a monotone threat.

“Leave, or the last thing you will feel is my blade going through your heart.” It would be fitting. He might as well have run me through with one.

He shook his head. His dark eyes were pleading all of a sudden. “My heart has already been stabbed through. I realized…about eight years too late that I was stupid to leave you. I should be run through for everything I have done to you.” He opened his arms to me then. His eyes were warm and inviting.

I took a step back. This had not been what I was expecting. But I couldn’t go back. Heart break would surely befall me again, I knew it. And this time I would not be able to survive it. But the actual invitation to be held in his arms again was almost too good to resist. I nearly fell for it but at the last minute I remembered all the pain and I took another step back. “Pease leave Sasuke; I will only ask you one more time.”

His eyes went to mine and they were suddenly pleading, like it was his last time to hold me. “Please forgive me. All the pain brought to you, all the pain I inflicted on you…I do not deserve you.” He bit his lip like he was thinking. “But, I need you, you need me, I love you Naruto, please don’t run from me this time. Don’t make the mistake I did.”

Before I knew what I was doing I had sank to my knees. My arms went around my middle. I had waited for eight years to hear him utter those words. I had nearly been on my deathbed and I had not heard him utter those words. And now that he had finally let them cross his lips, the only thing I could feel was my heart. And it was sputtering and beating erratically against my ribcage. My hand flew to my mouth as a coughing fit, the first one in three years, racked my lungs. When I moved my hand away, I saw that the leather was stained with blood.

I thought I was over this, but my heartbreak had come back.

“I did not know it was this bad.” He was kneeling in front of me now. His hand took mine and he examined the pool of blood there. “Why did you not tell me?”

I pulled my hand back. My voice was rough as I spoke. “You would not have listened. You would have gone after your sweet vengeance even if I was dying.” I looked up into his eyes then, and I realized that that was a mistake, because I fell for him all over again. And the pain came back. I thought that if I stayed away from him the pain would not comeback, but it must have never been gone. I must have blocked it out with everything else. As I stared into his eyes, the pain was there and it throbbed so wonderfully.

I still loved him with all my heart, even if it was close to useless.

“I guess you are right, but I did not mean to leave you as I did, my head was clouded and now I’m paying the price, but I cannot let you leave this plain without me.” He pressed our foreheads together with a gentle smile.

A sob choked me then. “But you will, I know you will, you always will.” I reached for him then and he accepted me into his arms. I held his face in between my cold leather clad hands. He did not seem to care that my hand was covered in blood and was now rubbing against his face, all he seemed to care about then was me. And staring into my eyes.

“Then let’s die together, Right now. That way neither will die without the other.”

All I could do was nod. I knew I did not have much time left. Tsunade had told me that despite my improvements, it was inevitable that I was going to die, I had no choice. He had destroyed me. And we both knew that we could no longer live without the other.

Knowing that this was my last chance I kissed him. It was just a brushing of my lips against his but it meant so much to me. But he surprised me then by gripping the back of my neck and forcing back to him. He kissed me gently at first but more forcefully after only a moment. His tongue darted into my mouth no longer caring about the blood that was there. I felt tears, hot and passionate, run down my cheeks and it took me a little while to realize he was crying too. I pressed my hand to the side of his face with a happy smile for once. He seemed to understand and he smiled as well.

I wanted to tell him to forget about dying because if we just stayed like this, if we just had this, I would be happy, I would survive, but it was not going to happen, before I could do anything the blade of his katana went through the spot that had been aching for so long. He drove it deep into my body and before I knew what was going on I slumped into his arms. It felt wonderful to be there again. And despite the obvious pain I felt nothing but happiness for once. A peaceful smile lingered on my lips.

“I can’t go on anymore without you. I won’t let you suffer like this either. So I’ll end it…for both of us.”

I choked, blood spurted from my lips. “Sasuke…” I wanted to say I loved him one last time, but somehow it did not get past my lips.

“Shush Naru, I’m here, from now on, I’m here.” He smiled at me gently. Then as I watched he pulled his blade from my chest. Then just as quickly, he slashed his own wrists, he smiled again, and we both fell to the ground. Before I blacked out, before I let that wonderful darkness take me…I heard him whispering again. I caught some of it, but I will never be sure…

“I love you Naruto. And I’ll never let you go. Never again.”

The warm dark took me then, and my heartbreak ended.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Kakashi stared at the still forms of his best students. The rain had washed away the gruesome picture of how they died; now they just looked like they had fallen asleep and never woke up. They were complete opposites as he looked at them. One light, one dark, but both equally beautiful. He was sad that they were gone, but he had been happy that they both had found peace. As long as he knew that they died happily, he would be alright with it. He would just have to visit them at the Memorial Stone every morning too.


End file.
